In public office – whether you’re an elected official or a municipal manager or department head – it’s pretty much inevitable that at some point in your municipal career, you will be involved in a heated exchange.
Remember: You’re a leader. Leaders must keep their composure and work to lower the temperature of the situation.
We understand and respect that everyone the freedom of speech, but that also means the freedom to disagree – sometimes in ways that are less than constructive. When you’re faced with an angry resident, constituent or business owner, remember you are a leader. There are some simple ways to defuse the situation, lower the temperature and work towards a mutual understanding, or at least agree to disagree respectfully.
Tip No. 1 is to try and slow the conversation down. By simply saying, "let me ponder on this a moment," not only lets you regroup and contemplate, but also gives the person or persons you are engaged with a chance to pause. Don't just start shouting out your knee-jerk reactions, such as “you're wrong” or “that's not true.” This also means you must listen to yourself; a racing heart and adrenaline need to be controlled to calm the situation. A heated confrontation rarely, if ever, provides for a mutually satisfying conclusion.
Your tone of speech is a powerful tool in maintaining decorum and encouraging others to do the same. It's crucial not to sound condescending. A confident, even-toned speech will guide you through the situation. As a municipal manager, I quickly learned that my stature (I am 6'4" and 250 pounds) could be intimidating to others, so I made sure not to crowd or stand over those who were engaging in a heated discussion with me. Instead, I would sit down and invite them to do the same, ensuring a more balanced interaction.
If you’ve missed the opportunity to keep calm on the front-end, and the discussion has turned into a yelling match, there’s still an opportunity to lower the temperature. Lower your voice, maintain your composure and slow down the conversation. It is nearly impossible to yell slowly. A good trick is politely asking them to "speak slowly as I would like to understand your point."
Be careful not to use the word "angry." This word only promotes a tense situation. Instead, use the word “upset,” which acknowledges their emotional state without escalating the situation. Let them know that you recognize that they are upset about the situation and avoid letting “anger” rule the discussion.
One of the most effective ways to calm a situation is to simply let the person speak. Resist the urge to interrupt with a quick answer or resolution. Often, people just want to be heard, so allowing them to express themselves can help them calm down. Maintain good eye contact and avoid making faces. Let them know that you genuinely want to hear them out. Finally, ask them what they want you to do. They may not even know themselves, and this question can help them pause and think.
Confrontation is an inevitable part of the job. Just remember you’re the leader. Those who know how to meet that challenge will be rewarded with a long career maintaining the democratic right of freedom of speech. By being prepared and resilient, you can navigate these situations with confidence and professionalism. This is a standard by which KMS always operates. So keep calm, and lead on.
About the Author
David L. Anthony is a member of the Keystone Municipal Solutions team of experts. He is a veteran of municipal government, having served more than 33 years in various positions of public service. Contact him at david@keystonemunicipalsolutions.com. To learn more about David and the Keystone Municipal Solutions team, click here.
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